Gib left this morning to play tennis, while I did the dishes. I was thinking it was kind of a lame trade-off, since he was getting fit and healthy, while I was getting tired and splashing soapsuds on my apron. I wanted him to stay home today and help me design another audio book cover. I already have the ideas; he would just be the middle man between my imagination and reality. He was supportive and interested, but in the end, out the door he went, smack dab into the middle of his own obligations.
I hate having to rely on other people to do what I can’t do, but part of my sanity has come from admitting that there is a whole lot I can’t master and never will.
My friend, Anthony taught me a phrase I can use whenever my eyes start to glaze over and feelings of inadequacy knock on the door. He taught me to say, that’s not my skill set. I love saying that! It gives me great permission to be who I am without beating myself up. Unfortunately, I seem to have part of me that believes I should be capable of all things.
You need a little brain surgery? Sit down.
Want help with a calculus problem? Bring it over.
Pile on the contracts with the fine print and the twenty minute on-hold calls to the insurance company. I’m your girl.
Well, not really. The truth is I’m exceptionally good at what I can do and rather hopeless with the rest. It’s the real-world left-brain stuff I struggle with. That’s why it’s so hard when I have a new creative idea and the stand in for my left brain walks out the door to play tennis.
Today is an easy day. My schedule is light. I find myself wanting to write something good, something that will provoke conversation, a good laugh or a shift in consciousness, but none of that is coming, because mainly I just want to lie down and take a long guilt-free nap.